Earth is the luckiest planet in the universe. I mean, seriously. Since H.G.Wells ‘War of the Worlds’ we’ve been invaded countless times, but we’re still here trundling along our merry way as if nothing had happened. Good thing that Doctor fellow has a human fetish and is an anglophile or we’d all be doomed.
So how is it that we survive all of these invasions and triumph in the end? It’s simple. Aliens are, apparently, stupid. Yes, despite being able to harness technologies that enable them to cross the vast gulfs of space, they are, at the end of the day, idiots. I mean, think about it.
Around the turn of the century the Martians arrived with their tripods and death-rays. Sure, we nailed the odd one here and there but basically they were steam-rolling us. We were doomed, BUT… They were stupid. They could travel here from Mars. They could kick our asses effortlessly. But despite all their power they were too dumb to filter their air supply… or vaccinate themselves. Or wear a paper mask. So they all died of the common cold. Really?
Stupid.
Then there was the Independence Day Invasion. They were here for our natural resources like minerals. Because for some silly reason they couldn’t just go to the asteroid belt where all of those things are available in abundance, and would be dead easy to extract with their technology. They wouldn’t have to lift them out of a gravity well or fight anyone for them. Where’s the fun in that? Once again the alien baddies are ROFLstomping us merrily into oblivion. But somehow they’ve never heard of a firewall, or virus protection… or even rudimentary air-traffic control so that you know who is flying where and when. So, a ship that you lost fifty years ago suddenly shows up out of nowhere. It doesn’t talk to you or follow any standard protocols. It just comes flying up from a human air-base. Oh, that’s not suspicious!
Idiots.
Then there was The Battle For LA, where the ETs invaded us for what? Our water. Because water isn’t totally made out of two of the most common elements in the universe. Because you can’t get vast amounts of it from the cometary belt in the Oort cloud. Or in the asteroid belt. Or bore a hole in the icy crust of Europa. Or vacuum it up from Mars polar regions. Nope, you’ve got to go to the one place in the solar system where there’s some one willing to fight you for it. Oh, and while you are at it make sure that all of your offensive systems share a single point of failure that your enemies can exploit. Because that’s smart. *nods earnestly*
Morons.
Here’s a few basic rules for invading a planet:
Don’t, unless you have a reason to that actually makes sense.
Don’t invade planets that have a hope in hell of fighting back.
Don’t breathe the air or drink the water, and for God’s sake don’t eat the inhabitants.
Lastly, if you are a race of interstellar morons stay the hell away from Earth. Just sayin’.
Oh, and one final note: No matter how well you think things are going if a British guy with a terrible fashion sense and a blue wooden box with a flashing light shows up leave immediately. Trust me on this one.
So… what would happen if smart aliens showed up to invade the Earth? If they actually had a good reason to come here, had the tech to cream us and had a good plan to do so? What could we do? that is what our upcoming novel ‘Rage of Angels’ is about. Watch this space for details.